FETCH ME 40

Reaching my 40th birthday milestone a few weeks ago has given me a moment to pause and reflect on the first four decades of my life. While there are a lot of great memories, experiences, and accomplishments to celebrate, there is also a lot of pain, loss, and heartbreak mixed into my thirty nine previous birthdays. Although they age seven times faster than I do, witnessing my dogs age has taught me a lot about how to approach my own experience as I age-- not only with a lot more grace, but joy and acceptance as well. They may not live as long as us, or even as long as I wish they could, but they certainly live life more fully and presently. 

If I am totally honest, turning 40 has been difficult for me. Although I appreciate people’s polite platitudes to ease the blow of “turning over the hill,” saying things like: “Age is just a number,” “You’re only as young or old as you feel,” “You don’t look 40 at all!”, my struggle has not been for the superficial reasons people assume. 

For starters, this is my first milestone without my mom, who died a year and a half ago. My mother always knew how to make celebrating my birthday special, paying homage to milestones especially. Also, my Nala helped me close out my 20’s and helped me navigate the roller coaster that were my 30s. Not having my mom or my ride or die help me turn the page on this next major chapter has been hard…plain and simple. So, for me, turning 40 without them just stirred up a whole lot of grief and reminders of what I have lost these first 40 years, making it harder to focus, be grateful for, and celebrate all I have and all I have become.

Photo credit: Gina Soule Photography

Turning 40 has compelled me to take a 360 degree look at my life within today’s global context. Not only have I had to confront the fact that not only am I not where I thought I would be at this point in my life (I had a different life plan- and I recognize I am not unique in that regard), but also has forced me to accept that some of the things I thought I’d have or that I want may not ever come to be; some of those things may not be a choice anymore for me, but life deciding for me. Simple fact. 

I have felt exhausted, restless and an urge to completely reinvent myself. I am not quite sure if this is what a mid life crisis feels like, or it is just a response to seeking a greater life purpose, a desire to matter, and to leave a positive imprint with all that is going on in the world. Volunteering, working, and surviving in my little corner of the world no longer feels satisfying, relevant, or enough of a contribution. 

So, like always, whenever I am seeking guidance or insight I look to the skies, my greater power, and ask the big questions. And then, I look to my dogs—and try to take in the lessons that they teach me every single day. As I have reluctantly reached and celebrated my 40th, my reflections have gifted me with these takeaways: 

1. Old dogs can learn new tricks. You are never too old to dream, reinvent yourself or to learn something new. 

2. Live in the present. Stop to smell the flowers, the grass, or whatever else suits your fancy. You can’t change the past. All you can do is learn from it. Embracing what is and asking for what you want, all while accepting what was and what may never be is just a part of life. All you can do is sniff it, pee on it and move on. 

3. Be grateful for everything and celebrate the small things: food in your bowl, learning a new trick, treats, birthdays, car rides- whatever it is- say wag your tail appreciatively and celebrate! 

4. Do everything with intention. Whether it is a nap on the couch, hiking to the summit of a mountain, fetching sticks out of the lake, guarding the backyard, or simply chasing your tail- set a goal, focus on it, and achieve it. 

5. Find your purpose. Whether it is loving unconditionally, steadfast loyalty, or comforting the bereaved, hurting, or lonely, live in a way that you leave everything and everyone better than you found them. 

6. Balance is the secret to a happy life. As you age, striving to become the Top Dog and increasing your net worth become less important than travelling to new places, spending time with loved ones, and moments of quiet solitude with a good book. Work hard but play harder. Get plenty of exercise, drink lots of water, remember to stretch, and rest often. 

7. There is beauty all around. Take time to slow down and notice not only the beauty in nature, but the beauty in the becoming and, the beauty in the brokenness. 

8. Find your bark. We all have a unique voice and story. Find yours. Use it to inspire and help others, to champion the underdog, and advocate for what you want. 

9. Always remain a puppy at heart. No matter how old you get or how much your body slows down, always keep a youthful heart and lively spirit for what and who you love most. 

10. Recognize that not all humans are bad, but not all are good either. Set healthy boundaries and choose your friends wisely; know how to defend yourself but also know when to walk away. 

11. Follow your instinct. Your intuition is your wisest friend and trusted compass on both the trails and in life. 

12. Life is a journey. A constant ebb and flow. Always be willing to learn and to teach what you already know. Be obedient but remember it is more important to be emotionally intelligent then book smart. Being kind exceeds being the smartest dog in the room. 

13. Always seek adventure. Keep a bag packed so you are always ready for a road trip! 

14. If you are going to chase the ball…chase it all the way. Everything you do, do it fully. You can’t half ass a ball chase, so don’t half ass life. 

15. No matter how ruff life becomes, don’t give up. 

16. Create a life with meaning. Life is about depth, not length. It’s not how many years you live, but how you fill your days while you’re here that matters most. 

17. Be brave. Don’t keep yourself in a cage. Get out, explore, and try new things- even if-especially if- it scares you. 

18. Life is better when lived unleashed.  Dance in the rain, run in a sunflower field, and swim in the ocean, 

19. Find your pack. Life is about connection and is not meant to be lived alone. Find your person, make new friends, be a good friend to others, and don’t bite those who do you wrong. 

20. Love. Love is the meaning of it all. Share it widely and share it deeply. Love fully, unconditionally, and without judgement. 

As I carry this these lessons into my next 40 years, I hope the wisdom and love I have received from my best furry companions and teachers will guide me through the next decades with more love, purpose, adventure, compassion, and joy than the first. And while I know that in the next half of my life, Nala, Aiden, Koda and Ru will spend most of it guiding me from Rainbow Bridge, I know there will be more canine teachers added to our pack to helpFetch Me 40 more. 

With Gratitude, Stacey, Nala, Aiden, Koda and Ru